New Reality Defense GuidoGuard Jersey Shore
Reality Defense announced an extension to its new Bodyguard line of personal protection pistols, the GuidoGuard Jersey Shore Edition. Aimed squarely at the post-binge-drinking, out-of-control situation market segment, the GuidoGuard offers several innovative features designed to offer ego and hairstyle protection while minimizing regrets the day after.
According to Reality Defense CEO Snooki, the GuidoGuard protects reputation, ego and lucrative television contracts without permanent physical harm. “Say you’re at the club, at like 3:30 am, and some juicehead gorilla wants to smoosh with you. But you’re like, forget that, I just got my nails done and my spray tan hasn’t fully dried yet. The GuidoGuard Jersey Shore is the perfect solution. It allows you to ward off unwanted advances at the clubs without physical harm, so the next day, when your tan is dry, you can hook up with that juicehead with no hard feelings.”
Reality Defense spokespeople declined to offer details on exactly how the GuidoGuard Jersey Shore works, but industry insiders speculate that the technology relies on remote steroid neutralization.
“If you can make the guy’s abs look really lame, you have the power and respect” stated J-Woww, an early adopter of the GuidoGuard. “It’s like, ‘I own your sorry butt now, guido! One more move and I’ll show the entire club that you’re a man skank with no abs.’”
April Fools! Did we fool you or make you laugh? Let us know at [email protected].
