Sandbaggin’ Candidates

Just A Coupla’ Questions And Comments

The elections are coming, and I can’t get close enough to candidates for federal office to have little chats with ’em. They see me coming and scatter. I think it’s the steam whistlin’ outta my ears, or the flames shootin’ from my eyeballs. Maybe you can sneak up on ’em for me?

Suggested Questions

Do you agree the Second Amendment right to keep and bear arms is an individual right; that it applies to individual free citizens?

This is a Yes or No question. Don’t spin off sophistry about how you’ve always supported American sportsmen, how plunkin’ ducks and dropping deer is “an American heritage,” okay? Yes or no? If yes, we want that in writing, now. If no, we’re done here — and so are you.

Are you familiar with the Latin phrase “Panem et Circenses” and the history behind it?

If you don’t, you’re not qualified for public office. It worked for a while in Rome, but didn’t end well.

Have you ever met an American military veteran who volunteered to serve, sacrifice and possibly die to preserve Socialism?

One who went into battle inspired by the words of Marx, Lenin, Stalin? I haven’t.

Do you understand that two dollars is more than one dollar?

That’s a good start! Now, if we entrust you with one of our dollars, is it okay for you to spend it all on cupcakes for yourself and your pals, and bill us for four more dollars?

Think hard, ’cause this is a Pass/Fail question.

Can you name four ways the federal bureaucracy is different from cancer?

Three? Two? One? No, saying “Government doesn’t intend to kill you” isn’t valid; neither does cancer.

Would you support a “Nancy Pelosi Outrageous Arrogance Law”?

It would say that any politician who stands next to a 20-pound stack of legislation, grins like a kabuki witch and says, “We have to pass it so you can see what’s in it,” gets a savage beating and thrown out of office — through the window. The closed window.

Talking Points

The current buzz phrase is “redistribution of wealth,” like it’s something new.

It’s not. It’s been goin’ on since the imposition of income tax in 1913, and furiously since the so-called “War on Poverty” kicked off. And don’t call it wealth anymore, because most of us getting redistributed don’t have wealth. We just have some earnings left. Say, “we want to redistribute what’s left of your earnings,” and see how far you get with that. That’s called honesty. Try it.

We now have second and third-generation career welfare parasites; those who have never worked; just lived on the public dole.

If you won’t end it, how ’bout a generation limit on it? Computerized public birth and welfare records can enable that. Like, you get three consecutive generations of freeloaders, then we pull the plug on trough-swilling and tell their offspring, “Sorry, you’re gonna’ have to get off your butts and work for a living.” It would be a start, and it would promote some shared experiences. Shared experiences create consensus. Think about it.

Almost half (47 percent) of US households pay NO income tax at all.

Virtually none of those are “the rich.” A small percentage is truly impoverished. Many are “career unemployed.” There is a psychological and philosophical value in everybody paying something in income taxes, even if it’s $10, even if it’s paid out of our money, which you gave to them. Paying something gives them a dog in the fight.

Neither mass deportations nor amnesty programs will ever solve the illegal immigration problem until and unless our borders are secured.

If you send ’em south, they flow back. If you legalize ’em, more come. If you secure the borders, then you can hash out the problem. We are — or were — a sovereign state. We should act like one.

Warnings: Listen Up!

If you’ve got the Race Card in your pocket, you can take that sucker out and burn it right now. The overwhelming majority of us — black, white, brown, whatever — don’t give a damn what anybody’s skin color is, and we’re sick of being accused of racism — often, by racists. Stupid, vicious and greedy are colorless, and that’s what we’re against. You play that race card on us and we might burn it for you — while it’s still in your pocket.

Get a bucket with two handles on it. Keep it in your office. Every time you think a new tax or higher taxes will help create prosperity, stand in the bucket, grab the handles and try to lift yourself off the deck. Winston Churchill explained the physics a long time ago. Look it up, and learn something.

Thanks for your help, guys. Politicians are awful slippery critters, and I’d recommend you grab ’em by the ear, but … I guess I pinched ’em too hard. The screamin’ is somethin’ awful. Connor OUT.

(Editor’s Note: Maybe you outta’ copy this and keep it in your wallet. Might come in handy if you find yourself close to one of these politician-animals some day. RH)

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