Shipping Hacks

I daresay most all of us have a weakness for gun stuff. Little makes a good day a great day faster than glancing out the front window to spot the Brown Truck of Happiness pulling up the drive with some gun-related widget in tow. There is actually a not-zero possibility that the BATF will soon amend its rules to allow law-abiding citizens to order firearms remotely, pass the requisite background checks, and then have guns delivered straight to their front door. We do live in amazing times.

While technology has facilitated supply chains that operate with unprecedented efficiency, that convenience comes at a price. Shipping, particularly the expedited sort, can cost a fortune. I once needed an important legal document spirited across the country overnight and was quoted $72 for the service. Ouch.

The Lunatic

Back in 1964, an indigent Australian athlete named Reg Spiers yearned to return home from London. Spiers was a javelin thrower who had recently failed to qualify for the Tokyo Olympics. After a pickpocket stole his wallet, he found himself stranded. Ever resourceful, the poor, unfortunate guy set out to engineer a solution. A desire to return home in time for his daughter’s pending birthday supercharged the enterprise.

Spiers could not afford a traditional passenger ticket on an airplane or boat, but shipping costs were not nearly as egregious back then as they might be today. With the assistance of a fellow Olympic hopeful, Spiers constructed a 5x3x2.5-foot wooden crate just big enough to accommodate his muscular form. There was room inside to sit with his legs straight or rest on his back with his knees bent above him.

Spiers knew this would be a weird trip. As a result, he equipped his personalized shipping container with internal security straps so he wouldn’t jostle about unduly during takeoff and landing. He also thoughtfully included several cans of food, a pillow and blanket, and a battery-powered flashlight. In addition, he packed two large plastic bottles. One of these was full of water. The other was to serve as a makeshift toilet. He marked the outside of the box “Medical Supplies” in hopes that the baggage handlers would be careful with him.

What Spiers was planning was both illegal and dangerous. If he pulled it off, he would bypass Australian customs and violate Lord-only-knows how many shipping company regulations. As a result, he labeled himself “To Be Collected” and added the made-up address of a fictitious shoe company. Why a shoe company would be receiving a crate of medical supplies was anybody’s guess.

The poor guy had no money. He shipped himself air freight cash-on-delivery. His hope was that his family might collect him once he arrived in Perth and pay the shipping costs at that time.

One Seriously Wild Ride

The trip took three long days and became a serious gut check for the frugal spear chucker. His parcel was set aside and delayed in Paris. During a layover in Bombay, India, baggage handlers left his crate upside down in the direct sunshine on the hot tarmac for hours. Regardless of the deprivations, Spiers remained still and silent throughout. Any suspicion on the part of the shipping company folks would have ended his trip immediately.

Once he was down safe in Australia, baggage handlers secured his box in a cargo shed. Now convinced he was alone, Spiers chopped his way out of his wooden crate and changed into a fresh suit of clothes he had brought along for that purpose. Having stretched his sore muscles, Spiers then just walked out of the airport like he owned the place.

The Aftermath

Reg Spiers never intended to tell anyone what he had done. However, several days later, his buddy in London became worried after not having heard from him and alerted the media. Spiers’ story circled the globe and brought the man a certain curious notoriety. The human interest angle of a failed Olympian who shipped himself home via COD air freight so as to make his daughter’s birthday celebration was irresistible clickbait even in the days before clicks were a thing.

Reg Spiers broke the law, but not a whole lot. In short order, all was forgiven. However, the rambunctious athlete did subsequently go on to a lucrative career in drug trafficking. He was even caught and sentenced to death in Sri Lanka, only to be extradited back to Australia later. The Internet says he eventually got his life in order and stopped such ridiculous stuff.

In case you might be considering it, modern baggage screening technology makes such a stunt virtually impossible today. Should you find yourself in desperate need of transportation around the globe might I suggest you take a job to earn the money or throw yourself on the mercy of GoFundMe. Mailing one’s person around the globe is, tragically, not terribly practical anymore.

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