GUNCRANK DIARIES
Excuses, Alibis, Pithy Observations & General Ephus
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The Big Rubber Man
Rubber Dummies makes humanoid three-dimensional targets out of recycled tires. These guys are tougher than John Wayne’s jockstrap. You can shoot the snot...
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Watch What You Eat
The human body is the most extraordinary machine. We navigate, refuel, procreate and make stuff all the time without a great deal of conscious thought.
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Life Lessons from P’Nut...
Everybody has heard about P’Nut the squirrel. He’s been all over the internet. He even seems to have played a minor role in the recent presidential...
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MREs: Meals Refused By...
I came on active duty right at the end of the C-ration era. For those of you who might not have had the pleasure, C-rations, or “C-Rats” for short, were...
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Trailblazing Armadillos
We now enjoy genetic homogeneity among armadillo clans across our mighty republic. And to think it all stemmed from those first few fearless pioneers.
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The Unflappable Flying...
I was winging my way home after yet another SHOT Show. My back hurt, my feet ached, and there was warmth in my heart from all the old friendships rekindled....
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Hunting...
I came of age in the 1970s hunting behind the levee in the Mississippi Delta with my dad. Though I took it for granted at the time, this was the coolest...
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Boys And Their Toys
What would happen if a bunch of men were entrusted with a whole pile of nuclear bombs? They would dig an enormous hole and create the world's biggest gun.
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Making Good Choices
Most people start out with about the same amount of raw material. As a result, everybody is the sum total of the choices they make in life. Some of those...
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Sinus Secrets
“Doc, I have sinus,” says almost everybody. At that point, I typically smile and inquire about how long someone has felt bad and explore the sordid...
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What Uncle Sam...
Army aviators will do absolutely anything to fly, and to keep flying. In some cases, that means a little selective truth management.
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Will’s Redneck...
If random armed rednecks are a deterrent to crime, that seems like an opportunity to me. Enter: Will's Redneck Rentals.
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The Price Of...
As a card-carrying man, I have little use for safety stuff. I have an antique lawn mower I inherited from my grandfather. Everything on it is pressed steel,...
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The...
When you work in an urban emergency room, so much of the unfettered tragedy you see there is the result of poor impulse control or just rank stupidity. Now...
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Going Home
I’m on my fifth career. You really cannot start medical school at 32 and convince anybody that’s what you always wanted to do. I like to tell folks that...
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Softly Screaming
It is this dirt, this accursed Tennessee soil. We venerate this place because of what it has seen, what it has endured. While it is gorgeous and peaceful...
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The Lost Art of...
We live in the weirdest world these days. According to the curious moral calculus of the Information Age, it is okay to blow somebody to bits with a...
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The Joys of...
Being a patient in an American hospital is innately dehumanizing. We try to keep it dignified, but that’s often more a voyage than a destination. It’s...
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The 70s Were...
CAUTION: Read at your own risk! No activity mentioned in this article should be duplicated, replicated, or copycatted for fear of injury or death ... seriously!
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Machine Learning...
I recently saw a very sweet lady in the clinic who had gotten her finger stuck in a sewing machine. I encounter folks at work who run afoul of sundry wild...
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“I Give You...
Eve Gordon was the most compelling public speaker I have ever heard. A small-statured elderly woman with a pronounced limp and an impeccably gorgeous...
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Besties
Kylie and Lauren had not seen each other in more than a decade. They had been roommates and Chi Omegas at the University of Mississippi for four years....
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Rudolph The...
Our great nation was built by rugged individualists who bent the world to their will. These days, it seems populated by professional victims whose day jobs...
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Learning to Sew
The human animal is such a curious beast. To learn to do something, we must practice it. They say it takes 10,000 iterations before we can get really good...
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Number 2
Mike was the first of my comrades to “see the elephant.” This term has nebu-lous origins, but in martial parlance, it means to have experienced war. In...
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Snake Stories...
My walk-in medical clinic is the best place in town for meeting people. Everybody ends up there at some point. My quaint little southern community has no...
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The Bangalore...
Capt. McClintock’s contrivance has come to be known as a Bangalore Torpedo. You may also hear it referred to as a Banger, a Bangalore or a pole charge.
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Don’t Go Off...
As a young man, I admit to having harbored a fairly stylized mental image of criminals. My vision of the typical run-of-the-mill burglar was a...
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Militant Math
The Israelis call Oct. 7, 2023, Black Sabbath. On that one day, Hamas terrorists murdered roughly 1,400 people. They further took 240 hostages. The...
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Self-Inflicted...
"Listen, stud, I tell people they are going to die from lung cancer about once every six weeks, and I deal with the stress of my job without cigarettes. You...
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