SpitBallistics Promises End of Ammo Shortage
According to fledgling startup SpitBallistics, ammo shortages may soon be a thing of the past. Bringing a concept, quite literally born in the classroom, to market, the company anticipates offering sharpshooters a weapons system with a virtually unlimited supply of ammo.
According to company founder Sal Iva Tokkenspray, “The idea came to me while I was daydreaming during a school lecture. It was quite a physical inspiration, almost as if someone had pegged me in the back of the head. From that moment on, the concept really stuck with me.”
The new venture isn’t without risks. Production Chief Drew L. Wadd suggests unforeseen crises like another toilet paper shortage could put a damper on the company’s business. “To offset those risks, we’re looking heavily into recycling. Fortunately, our customer demographic generally doesn’t mind swapping a little spit. Heck, many of them eat worms on dares, so we anticipate most rounds could be used dozens of times before new ammo is required.”
Not everyone is pleased with the new announcement. Horace Sputum of the National Teacher’s Union expresses concerns. “Teachers believe unleashing a new weapons system, especially one sound suppressed by its very design, is just irresponsible. Dangerous things like this really require common-sense regulation,” said Sputum. “One could go in someone’s eye, you know. Besides, it’s just gross.”
Some fear the consequences of releasing ghost guns into the market. “We’re appalled these guns don’t even require serial numbers and registration,” complained Everytown’s Shannon Watts. “The ammunition is readily available to nearly everyone, especially school children. Any idiot who can drool or expectorate can create an unlimited supply of SpitBallistics bullets in minutes. You can bet your hocked loogeys we’ll be contacting legislators and challenging this in court.”
SpitBallistics also plans on releasing their sleek launcher in four colors: Black, Flat Dark Earth, Sniper Gray and SpitTrooper White.
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