The man, in a drunken stupor, staggered into the local railroad marshaling yard. He stretched out across the tracks and fell into a slumber most luxurious. The next handy freight rolled by and cleanly amputated both legs about mid-shin. At least it wasn’t his head.

There wasn’t actually a great deal for us to do. We got IV lines running and put tourniquets around the stumps. Once the poor guy was stable we called the surgeons. They took him to the OR and made what remained of his legs look pretty. I then departed to go write in the chart.

A short while later I walked past the big trauma room and heard a commotion. Inside I found perhaps a dozen highly-trained ER staff all huddled around something interesting. I pushed my way to a proper vantage and caught sight of a pair of high-mileage cowboy boots. It seems the cops had brought the guy in along with a big red biohazard bag with a knot tied in the top. When the charge nurse opened the bag he discovered the boots. I’ll give you one guess what was still inside the boots.