Sissies, Idjits, & Morons

Dudes, I’m disappointed. Remember that thing I wrote on “Gun-Rich Zones”? Hey, it’s cool that so many of you liked it, but outta all those responses, we only got ONE professing to be deeply offended? Are you kiddin’ me? ONE? What’s wrong with you people?

If my “Deeply-Offended Response Rate” falls below 17.3-percent, it means (a) I’m not doin’my job, and (b) I got trouble with His Imperial Editoriality, Roy-Boy. He starts avoiding me, snappin’ at me, makin’ comments like, “Yeah, Connor, you served up some real vanilla pudding that time. Oooh, tasty. Bet you play softball, don’tcha?”

He’s much nicer — sorta — when lots of readers are offended by me. Then he can play his favorite game. He asks if he can see my company credit card, like, “Hey, I just wanta check it out; just touch it, y’know? Is it the same color as mine?” Yeah, right. I let him “just touch it” once, and didn’t get it back for three months. His is Platinum. I didn’t even know they made a “Tin Card.” Limit’s 39 bucks. Big whoop.

Anyway, this one dude complained I was “gaybashing” an’ he called me a “brutish Neanderthal.” Gay-bashing? Onliest thing I can figure is he’s talkin’ about my reference to living in “a sissy-rich environment.” And the word “gay” never entered my mind — I was talkin’ about SISSIES!