The Retro-Guy Code


I'm A Retro-Guy

In light of all the “retro-this” and “retro-that” it suddenly dawned on me I was a “retro” myself. And, as a matter of fact, so are most of the people I know.

With today’s on-going diatribe about “feelings,” and “feng-shui” (whatever that is) and all the other bewildering definitions of people’s, shall we say, “leanings,” I figured it was time to clear the air a bit. As a general rule, gun-people are usually fairly easy to define as reliable, law-abiding, family folks with fairly clear definitions regarding their roles in life. Moms are, well moms and dads are, well, dads. Kids are kids and moms and dads take care of the kids. At least that’s how it was in my house.

Now not to disparage those of you who have elected to take another track in life, I would like to nonetheless point out some obvious facts regarding most of us who enjoy shooting. I’m not saying if you don’t do these sorts of things, you’re not a good American; just that you don’t fit the basic mold. And that’s not a bad thing — usually. Frankly, I’m happy to see anyone out enjoying shooting, hunting, collecting and otherwise messing about with guns and stuff.

I felt it might be nice to sorta’ define what a “Retro-Guy” might be. It would make it easier to simply point at this and say something like: “Ah, here, this is the kinda’ stuff I do.” Feel free to keep a copy in your wallet to help you over those sometimes awkward moments trying to answer the question: “Why do you do that?”

The Retro-Guy Code

• A Retro-Guy, no matter what the women insists, pays for the date.

• A Retro-Guy DEALS with IT — be it a flat tire, a burglar, or a natural disaster, you DEAL WITH IT.

• A Retro-Guy not only eats red meat, he often kills it himself.

• A Retro-Guy should know how to properly kill stuff (or people) if need be. This falls under the “DEALING WITH IT” portion of The Code.

• A Retro-Guy is allowed to seek professional help for major mental stress such as drug/alcohol addiction, death of your entire family in a freak tree chipper accident, favorite bird dog expiring, etc. You are NOT allowed to see a shrink because Daddy didn’t pay enough attention to you. Daddy was busy DEALING WITH IT.

• A Retro-Guy should have at least one good wound he can brag about.

• A Retro-Guy knows that owning a gun is NOT a sign you’re riddled with fear. Guns are TOOLS: See “DEALING WITH IT.”

• When a Retro-Guy is on a crowded bus and ANY woman gets on, that Retro-Guy stands up and offers his seat to that woman, then looks around at the other so-called men still in their seats with a disgusted look on his face.

• A Retro-Guy will also give up his seat to any elderly person or person in military dress, except officers above second lieutenant.(NOTE: The person in military dress may turn down the offer but the Retro- Guy will ALWAYS make the offer to them and thank them for serving their country.)

• A Retro-Guy knows how to say the Pledge properly, and the words to the Star Spangled Banner.

• A Retro-Guy sharpens his own knives and knows how to use tools.

• A Retro-Guy owns tools, usually lots of ‘em.

• A Retro-Guy doesn’t need a contract — a handshake is good enough.

• A Retro-Guy will take care of his neighbor’s yard when said neighbor is deployed overseas on military duty.

• A Retro-Guy doesn’t immediately look to sue someone when he does something stupid and hurts himself. We understand sometimes — in the process of doing things — we get hurt and just DEAL WITH IT.

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