How to Plan a Tactical Baby Shower
What little Guncrank-let doesn’t need to get started on their ammo supply?
The big news in my Casa de Joy is the forthcoming arrival of two next-generation Guncranks. Both of my offspring have fired up the mini-me generators and are expecting pocket people — within two days of each other. The expected arrival dates are so close I have to think planning was involved, but as a dad, I really, really don’t want to know anything about that.
With both “he” and “she” Guncranks on the way, I’ve been kicked out of the house twice recently, apparently for some social events called “Baby Showers.”
Being an attentive husband, I tried to help out with planning of the social activities, even to the point of offering to open up my reloading room to the guests, provided, of course, they bring their own primers. Alas, my generosity not only fell on deaf ears — it was outright rejected. It hurts when your own family gives you one of those pity laughs normally reserved for a super-awkward wedding toast about that time when the bride… well, you get the idea.
Anyway, I love and treasure the women in my family, but I’ll also say they tend to overcomplicate things on occasion. Before I was booted out the door minutes before guests were to arrive, I spotted glittery signs, Instagram photo booths, punchbowls with sorbet icebergs, and unless I was seeing things, a couple of unemployed wedding planners.
Apparently, turning on the Auburn vs. Penn State game was deemed an unacceptable icebreaker for the guests, so they elected to plan some type of feeling-sharing exercise. Seems like a bit of overkill to me, but what do I know? I suggested a quick range outing. That idea went over kind of like a Bloomberg Everytown booth at SHOT Show.
At risk of tooting my own horn, I know how to cater a Tactical Baby Shower.
Refreshments would be easy in my book. Heck, I’ve got dozens of ammo cans out in the garage and most of them are only lightly rusted. What’s wrong with filling up a pallet of those with some Black Rifle Coffee Company CAF? No one needs cream and sugar, so that frees up space on the buffet for hot wings and pork rinds. If the guests don’t know what “CAF” stands for, you might want to keep that on the down low. Hint: “Caffeinated As ____” may or may not be the implied translation. Since the kiddos aren’t yet born, I think we’re on safe ground with the “R-rated” beverages. If nothing else, a few cups of CAF will liven up the party.
Apparently, and I really don’t know as I was dis-invited from the festivities, the guests made custom baby onesies with fabric markers and creative stencil work. I’m okay with that as the kids will need clothes. While a bit disappointed none of the stencil kits had a Staccato 2011 or Beretta 92 pattern, I think the idea was sound, but only a partial solution. Which leads me to the correct way to plan a baby shower activity.
If I’m following this shower concept correctly, the goal is to equip mom and bambino with all the gear they’ll need to get this next-generation Guncrank thing rolling. And what kid doesn’t need to get started on their ammo stockpile right away? I’m thinking a reloading party is a no-brainer here. I know components are scarce and expensive, but if each guest brought just 50 cases, primers, projectiles, and a bit of powder, we’d be off to a booming start. See what I did there? Bad puns are always a party favorite.
I love them dearly, but my wife and sister spent hours stuffing chunklets of bread with gooey stuff and berries, and for what? People just scarf them down and are still hungry. I can solve that problem with one word. Grill. Red meat and a jumbo potato is always a crowd pleaser. If you want to get all bougie, make it a sweet potato. Just be sure to have a Costco-sized bag of brown sugar handy.
I can’t for the life of me figure out why my favorite women don’t appreciate my ideas.
Oh, one more thing. Anyone know if Brownells has a baby gift registry?
Remembering Gwen Gunn
By Jazz Jimenez
It was in November 2016 when Special Projects Editor Roy Huntington (then editor of American Handgunner) informed the editorial and production staff Gwen Gunn will be proofing our magazines. My first thought was: She’ll be a good fit. Gwen Gunn of GUNS Magazine, American Handgunner and Shooting Industry — sounds like she was meant to be part of the team. And she used to work with Roy on the San Diego police association newspaper too.
I soon discovered Gwen was a perfect fit, not just because of her name and background, but because she had the same passion for the written word as all of us on the editorial team have. She read every word of each magazine to ferret out mistakes in the headings, in the body of the text, the subheads, the table of contents, the footers, the bylines and on the cover. She cared about a misplaced comma, a missing period, using an em dash instead of an en dash, finding obvious as well as not so blatant mistakes. By the time Gwen read the magazines, I had already reviewed them. Eye fatigue can be a problem, so I appreciated Gwen’s fresh pair of eyes! She would find a typo I missed, or we would both spot the same ones.
As we developed a respect for each other’s skills, Gwen and I also became friends, although we had never met. Ours was a long-distance friendship. We exchanged emails, text, and pictures. She’d describe the snow in Colorado, and I’d tell her how sunny it was in San Diego. I found Gwen to be kind and endearing. And we had a lot in common too, like faith in God and love for family.
Last July, Gwen told me she had tested positive for COVID-19. She said she didn’t have any symptoms except she just wanted to sleep most of the time. I was concerned and advised her to seek medical attention. She didn’t always reply, but I sent her a text almost every day to let her know she was in my thoughts and prayers. I would have continued texting her had Roy not shared this message from Gwen’s nephew:
“… My aunt and uncle, Gwen and Joe Gunn, both contracted COVID, and unfortunately, were not able to fight it off. Joe passed away August 9th, followed by Gwen on August 18th.”
I couldn’t believe it. I had received a message from Gwen on the 13th. But as the sad news sank in, I found comfort in thinking Gwen and her husband are now in a better place. Rest well together, Gwen and Joe.
And Gwen, we will miss you. All of us at FMG appreciate your efforts to make our publications error-free. Thank you for being a valuable member of our team for the past five years.
